Why do the Brancianos fear piñatas?

The Brancianos of cluster B43 are a species characterized by the beauty of their culture. Brancian art is considered “sublime” by any art critic who first contemplates it. The cultural influence of the Brancian Empire is extensive despite not being a bellicose civilization, and their skill in oratory is considered the most prestigious by all species capable of understanding chemical language. Those who cannot comprehend conversation through hormones and chemical compounds, at least will exclaim “That smells great” when attending a Brancian poetry recital.

And this is strange, since civilizations controlled by totalitarian governments are usually so focused on control, efficiency, and praise for their rulers that they pay little attention to their own cultural development.

From the moment they are a freshly laid egg by some queen, a common Branciano already has a name and a predetermined profession. The egg is constantly injected with substances that epigenetically prepare it for its future labor.

In their larval stage, young Brancianos are separated into work groups where they are constantly sprayed with chemicals that provide them with all the knowledge they will need about the universe, professions, languages, and much more. Just before entering hibernation, a Branciano larva is already capable of speaking at least ten languages and solving advanced quantum equations.

This is something few know, since most only deal with Brancianos in their juvenile stage, just when their wings sprout and they travel freely for several years, enjoying life and the generous monetary allowance provided by the Empire so they can live as they please. And, well, we already know that much of that money ends up in the bars and casinos that abound throughout the Empire.

But after some decades of free, carefree life, with the first molt, Brancianos lose their wings and report to their assigned posts for which they were born.

They say the change is magical: even the most irresponsible and self-serving Branciano transforms completely the first time they report to their job, becoming the most responsible and dedicated person they could be.

Although there are conspiracy theories that speak of brainwashing, possession, or parasitic infections, the truth is quite simple and has a scientific explanation.

Once Brancianos have taken their job, they continue performing it until death. It is an honor for them to die in their post, and when facing their final molt, it is normal for them to release a fine dust that becomes embedded in everything in the area, impossible to clean completely.

So, when a Brancian comes for the first time to his post, he finds the tufo of all those who occupied it before. What for others may be an annoying smell of dampness and age, for them is a long letter written by all his predecessors. With the first inhalation, a kitchen chef acquires the secret recipes created by those who came before him; a life insurance salesman remembers the name of every customer. Even there is a case of security guards at a pizza restaurant who were brutally murdered during the night shift: the mystery was solved because the guards left notes with their scent for their successors before dying, until the last one managed to survive more than seven nights and reveal the truth.

It is also said that in every Brancian warship, from the small short-range fighters to the large destroyers, there is a message engraved in each of the command, operational, and combat posts. Translated into written language, the message says something like this:

“Hello, I don’t know you and you don’t know me, but I hope you have a long and productive life like mine. For that reason, I wish that, during your watch, the Great Brancian Empire never declares war on humans. If it does, I hope you never face them in battle. If you do enter battle, I hope you never fight against a LATAM fleet. If that happens, I hope you never hear the word ‘Como Piñata’ while they point at your ship. If you do hear it, flee immediately. Do not wait for an order to retreat or evacuate: eject or find the nearest escape pod and get out of there immediately.”

You see, humans from LATAM have a tradition in which they make decorated vessels that they fill with sweets, called piñatas. Then, they give their children blunt weapons to hit them until they are destroyed. When they do, the children fight savagely to keep the most sweets, all while the adults chant a ritual song that guides the children toward savagery. And believe me, you will never see a more violent act than a group of LATAM children fighting over the last sweet in the piñata.

This remains in the collective consciousness of humans, and if any of them—regardless of rank—points at a ship and gives the order ‘Denle como piñata’, all humans will leave whatever they are doing and unleash all the violence they are capable of against that target.

That is why, if you hear that word, abandon everything and flee immediately. Being marked as piñata is something that cannot be overcome.”

So, out of respect, never say the word “piñata” in the presence of an adult Brancian, unless you want to see him run in fear. In fact, it is a forbidden word that is punished with the death penalty if spoken within the territories of the Brancian Empire.

Translator’s Note: The Brancianos do not refer to themselves as “Brancianos.” The actual gentilicio they use is a very subtle citrus scent that evokes a feeling of peace and happiness.

License: CC BY

AI used for spelling correction.