# Requesting FTL human engineer Author: Paynalton Canonical source: Language: en POSITION: HUMAN FTL ENGINEER WANTED We are seeking a FTL engineer for transport vessel model ABÆ439LØ-Bird. Requirements: Species: Human. Education: Any FTL-related engineering certified by CIdEE-5437 or similar. Service attitude Resistance to hunger and recurring frustration. Culturally tolerant Competitive salary + bonuses It looks good, just need to add "No LATAM" in all caps, in the title and description, and in a bright color before posting it. There are a lot of LATAMs at this station and I don't want to waste time interviewing any of them. Very well, captain, I'll do it right away. But, if I may be so bold, why don't you want to hire a LATAM? You're very open to accepting almost any species, which is why our crew is so diverse. Are they bad engineers? Is their salary too high? -No, of course not, in fact they are the best engineers you could find, and their salary is significantly lower than most. -So what's the reason then? -Well... LATAMs are scary. -Well... They're a bit smaller than other humans and their coffee-colored skin is quite peculiar, but I don't think that makes them any more unattractive than other humans, at least not more than the other three humans we already have on the crew. -You see, a long time ago, when I was just a junior officer on this same ship, a LATAM was hired as a loader. He was a small human with black fur, brown eyes, always smiling, trying to be friends with everyone who approached him, and working more than required. The first few days I really thought he was the best hire ever made. You know humans tend to fix things they see as broken, which is why non-maintenance personnel are prohibited from accessing tools. But this human not only kept his quarters in perfect condition, but also kept the entire platform in perfect condition! Without using tools! Not even a hammer or that tape that humans like. He fixed things using ropes, sticks, or even food. That disrupted our maintenance schedules. As for food, you know normal humans love sandwiches and keep them carefully in the provisions freezer. But LATAMs prefer freshly prepared food, so they store ingredients and prepare their own meals. And this human always prepared extra portions in case someone wanted to try it, even though everyone knows you shouldn't eat human food! But that's not the worst part, we had several food poisonings because the human stored leftover food in containers that weren't meant for storing food! You receive a lot of physical mail, at every port they always have a package waiting for them with things sent by other LATAMs, and on many occasions things that are illegal, which I swear, I have no idea how they manage to pass through the border controls. And that's exactly what caused the death of several crew members. When they arrived at a port, a package was waiting for them from someone named "Tiamartha," who sent them some seeds, sweets, and some strange long green fruits, which later I found out were not only prohibited, but their destruction was ordered immediately using specialized equipment. This human not only brought those things onboard, but also spent their free time carving a rock into the shape of a vessel. When they finished carving, they cooked the seeds, took several ingredients, a grill, and locked themselves in their cabin. There, they placed the fruits on the grill and these began to release a toxic gas that the sensors couldn't detect. The entire floor was evacuated, a team of insulated suits tried to enter but the gas was able to penetrate the suits. By then, three crew members had already died asphyxiated in a terrible agony. When that gas started to pass through the bulkheads, they decided to vent the entire platform into space, causing the death of everyone, including the human. Do you know the corridor of platform 5H? -Yes, some crew members tell stories about it. -Really? Well, the truth is there was no way to decontaminate that cabin, and if you just pass near it, you'll feel an itch in your respiratory tract. We consulted other LATAMs on how to clean it and they just laughed and said "No pus ya valió," which according to the translator means "The fate has been written and no mortal can change it." So no, I don't want any LATAM on my ship.