# Decision... Author: Paynalton Canonical source: Language: en **Decision...** It was a day like any other... well, almost. That day would mark what had been planned for a long time. She thought, breathed, and thought again: "Am I doing the right thing?" It was the question that came with every breath as she got ready to leave the house. Outside, the cold burned her cheeks, but that wasn't any bother for someone used to the cold of life. Pain wasn't something that had ever intimidated her before, and now, less than ever, it was something she focused on. On the bus, she was surrounded by people, but she felt alone, immersed in her thoughts, thinking, thinking, going around the issue... and as the minutes passed, the tension grew, she became nervous thinking about what was about to happen and everything that could come after. She put on her headphones to listen to that song she loved, that she identified with... and thus the nervousness decreased a little, but didn't disappear. Walking along the path that would lead to him, the doubts, the nerves, and her internal demons were locked in a power struggle to see who would come out on top. She could walk firmly, not back down, or run, flee and leave everything behind to return to the safe solitude. From a distance, she could see the place indicated, cold, just as cold as the cold she felt in her heart... it's hard to live with the weight of a painful past, with a difficult present, and an uncertain future. When she saw him, she knew what would continue, and now that he had seen her too, there was no going back. After a kiss, he took her arm and they slowly walked toward nothingness... They talked about things, laughed sometimes recounting anecdotes or joking about serious things, like two good friends, however she never stopped thinking... They arrived without her realizing it, he showed kindness, she was nervous, everything began... hugs, kisses... she was uncomfortable with the light, she had always been in the dark, light wasn't her best friend... besides, it intimidated her... she got up and turned off the light... Once in the darkness, her other personality emerged... she lunged at him and stripped him of his clothes... she desired him, she wanted him so much for herself, and so it was... caresses and kisses, light torment, lust and sex, everything went well... Morning came to an end. Outside, the afternoon took its rightful place, between wild passion, between conversations... and she kept thinking... He got up, it was time to leave... she told him no, asked for a few more minutes. He refused, it was too late... This was the moment she had so feared, she had to make a decision... to tell him or not... she had never liked leaving things unfinished. He was ready to leave and she, lying between the sheets, calls him... he approaches, they kiss... she wants to tell him something... but at the same time something stops her... finally, she tells him... He replies that no, it couldn't be, it would become an addiction and it wasn't good... she thinks again... he's right, but... it doesn't matter... he kisses her and walks away... she wraps herself in the sheets and keeps thinking... later, her mind is blank... She sleeps for a few minutes... wakes up when she feels the cold in her body... again... It's late... She gets up, plays music, that same song she heard that morning... she feels more at peace... she tidies up the room a bit and takes a bath... The water slides over her body... it's very hot, but it's compensated by the coldness of her skin... she gets dressed, combs her hair, puts on makeup, packs her things in the backpack and prepares to leave... At the threshold of the door, she steps back again to look, for the last time, at the place where, finally, her desires were fulfilled, and once fulfilled... nothing else mattered... she sighs, turns off the light and leaves, closing the door behind her... leaving behind the door, the passion, the sweat, the memories... She leaves the place with a smile on her lips... it wasn't like she expected... it was better... and despite being alone again and with another rejection added to her list of disappointments, she feels happy and knows that life goes on... and that there's always a tomorrow, although uncertain, that's always full of surprises... She moves away among the crowd... disappearing again into the shadows... passing unnoticed by people and living beautifully her solitude... that solitude that sometimes hurts... but she knows she'll never be able to get rid of it and that it will always be her best friend... Behind her are the illusions, the desires... behind is that moment... a memory, nothing more... and that's all...